I think it’s been pretty clear from my last few blog posts that things are going well.
The tone has been brighter, more cheerful. I have been more convicted about the goodness of God and the goodness of His plans for my life. I have been able to start thinking and dreaming more about what I want to do and who I want to be, and I have just generally been happier.
Want to know why?
I won’t go into the details, but one of the reasons (probably the biggest reason) for this change is that I started dating someone new. He came as a complete surprise, and I can honestly say I never saw him coming. We’ve been dating for several weeks, and decided last week date only each other. The decision was natural, easy, and barely felt like a decision at all. It just seemed right.
This past week has been a whirlwind trying to adjust to this new reality that so suddenly and wonderfully has appeared in my life. There’s been a lot of joy and excitement and that “young love” feeling where you talk on the phone every night and hours feel like moments and you want nothing more than to just be in each other’s company.
There’s also been a lot of personal challenges. Alongside the brightness of this good and wonderful thing I’ve also been experiencing an increase in anxiety, fear, uncertainty. I’m finding the little parts of my heart and mind that are scared of making the wrong choice, that are struggling to fully embrace the newness of this thing and want to run away. At first I was confused by it, and I let it overwhelm me and scare me while I desperately tried to grapple with it and pin it down and figure out what it is.
And then I remembered. It’s just the transition.
Every transition, no matter how good it is or what you’re transitioning into, is still a transition. It’s hard. It’s rocky. It’s uncertain and new and a little unsettling. It has a way of removing your false sense of security and bringing to light the places in your heart that are still a little wary, that still do not trust. In short, transitions have a way of revealing the true state of your heart.
God is asking me to put my heart out there in a new and vulnerable way, and while I know that is what He’s asking and I know that it’s what I want, actually doing it is scary and I’m not fully prepared for it. I have to navigate my internal resistances, my fears, the lies that permeated my heart and lay dormant until now, because Truth has come to challenge them. I have to take all these things and bring them into the light, letting Christ pour His love over them and remove them, one by one. And over time, the uncertainty will cease. Calm will be restored. And I will be ready to move forward anew.
It’s taken me a moment to be reminded of this, that I need to be patient with myself, that I need to not rush, that it is necessary for me to take my time, ease in slowly, and let God lead the way at a pace I’m ready for. I don’t need to try to rush ahead, and I don’t need to try and force myself to be ready to fully embrace everything that this new thing is. I can take my time. I need to take my time. Because that’s the way I was made.
Friends, new things are wonderful, but they’re also hard. They demand trust. They make you uncomfortable. They test your strength. Just remember, the fact that embracing transition is hard doesn’t mean that you made a mistake. It’s just a little bit of stretching, darling. And I promise, you can do it.
Be gentle with yourself as you transition. Give it all the time you need. And let God lead you, slowly, to a place of peace.